How coincidental I should find this quote on a follower’s blog. So Einstein  thought it? I never knew that.

My brain is brilliant at stacking, at problem solving and for years I have not seen the point in any intellectual curiosity beyond the immediate subject matter I need to address – be it business or the specialist subject I deal with there. Outside work I watch box sets, read police procedurals or novels – nothing too taxing. However personal development is of interest to me so I avidly read two or three books I though might help me with my current situation. 

One, enmeshing very much with my curtent thinking about what happens to us in life and the part the subconscious has to play, was all about how the brain works in two ways and that my problem solving ability uses the tiny rational part.  That the subconscious mind feeds on idleness and on general curiosity and learning. Connections are made in all sorts of ways when you feed that part of your brain.

We had a session with a futurologist at work and in spite of the freshness of my break up at the time I listened and engaged avidly for 2 hours then came out with my previously stagnant thinking about my business in a completely different and inspired place. I understood immediately that intellectual stimulation had been missing for me for years and years and years.

For me it’s also been part of keeping myself small. I know I’m very smart but if I really show all that who on earth will want me? It’s bad enough trying to find someone who can deal with me now!

So now it’s about trying new things  or going back to long forgotten things which served me in the past. With my daughter I watch a different Ted Talk every night, I’ve picked up bikram yoga twice a week which I loved in Australia, there was the dance last week and a plan to fly to New York where I have never been to see my new friend when she moves there. I’m booking a complicated holiday in italy requiring me to drive there which I have always been terrified to do but taking in a horse ranch, Pompeii and Sicily where our beloved Inspector  Montalbano comes from. I’m dusting off my Italian. Last week I did a presentation to 20 year 9 girls in south london and decided to become a mentor.  The universe has provided in the form of an unexpected tax return and some shares maturing.

This is all perfect and I can see that much as I have been a catalyst for him in unveiling the unsatisfactory nature of his marriage, which either they will fix or they won’t, he has also been a catalyst for me. 

Meantime I cried a great deal yesterday when one of my old friends put on my Facebook page that no one could fail to love me with my big heart. That is what he said to me too and yet where is he? I still wake up to him every morning filling my thoughts. Today is my birthday party where he was to meet all my friends and family. It’s still on. I’m still here and so are they.

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2 thoughts on “Synapses firing 

  1. “This is all perfect and I can see that much as I have been a catalyst for him in unveiling the unsatisfactory nature of his marriage, which either they will fix or they won’t, he has also been a catalyst for me. ”

    This part is exactly how I feel and I also relate to the making yourself small part. You are killing me with how well I relate to your words, even if they are from months ago. It’s nice to connect to kindred.

    Like

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