An old friend”s husband, a little pickled, still handsome, tonight repeated ad nauseam that he found my personality superb and that he’d like to have sex with me. A couple of years ago, when a married man shyly propositioned me for the first time, my feathers were puffed and I felt shocked but fllattered. Then it happened and happened and happened – of course I always politely turned it down – until it was finally with someone I was hugely attracted to – leading to the current sad situation.

Now I recognise it for what it is. Marriage is extremely hard work – especially these days when leaving has been legitimised. How many men, feeling trapped with a wife who no longer wants sex, and is too tired to make him feel like a king any more, would see a vibrant, interested, smart woman having fun and think, I’d like some of that? 

Yet in the cold light of day there is that loyal Agape love we’ve discussed, years on the clock, children, family, obligations. The one I love, like Icarus, flew too close to the sun and will pay the price for years to come.

My old friend knows what her man is like. She fought it at first and now accepts it. Another gorgeous friend confided the state of her marriage recently and yet she has compartmentalised beautifully, accepted she cannot change him and takes pleasure everywhere else in her life.

Those of us who are prepared to honestly discuss it think that few marriages are made in heaven these days and interestingly most of our examples are from the previous generation. Each of us knows only one or two couples of pur own age who have relationships to envy. 

I’m glad I was in a position to divorce rather than have a 50% relationship. I know I would love to be in that 5 or 10% made in heaven and if I can’t have that, I’d rather be alone.

And a propos the title, the husband put a morsel of something tasty in my mouth tonight. It turned out to be a cooked sparrow.


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