My contrary friend pondered whether this blog was a good idea or whether it might cause me to obsess. He has a point. I think it’s a good sign I didn’t feel moved to write all weekend.
Well I did feel moved … But not about myself and I must say I have got Into a bit of a pickle because as my main passion is talking to friends about their lives and mine and lots of them are reading this now, they will pretty soon start to recognise themselves….
Sunday was the first day in over 4 weeks where I haven’t cried at all. I still thought about him. I found his cricket ball and a pair of socks. I talked about it all with a few friends and concluded, in the face of their anger with how he’s behaved towards me, that I definitely still love him.
However I was propelled at speed from one friend to the next culminating in two of my old still stubbornly single male friends coming round to take my car to the garage to blow up the tyres.
If “he” and my vain desire for him were not still in my head I would just be marvelling at how lucky I am. Lucky because if I look at all the people in my life, most are struggling with problems which are bigger than mine. Most of their situations are harder to see a way out of whereas for mine with enough time, distraction and not seeing him I can see I will be ok.
I sense I’m on the cusp of finding someone to date. I was chatted up by a single dad at the pool on Saturday and then my ex husband came along and acted like a husband …which put paid to that! There’s a friend of a friend who might be interested; there are a plethora of dating sites out there… I’d like to get back on the horse. I’m probably not ready to sleep with anyone but a spot of dating….
Thinking back 10 years it is amazing what transformation can be achieved with enough action. It was the absolute truth for me that no one would ever want to date me, sleep with me, be with me… I slid my eyes away from any man my age in case he “thought I was looking at him”. Now I am blatant, confident and since the latest episode with “him”, sure of my appeal.
And lucky … How lucky am I to be comforted by my ex husband on Saturday, confided in by an ex colleague on Sunday, then invited in to the bosom of the very interesting family of another friend for lunch; finally sharing a laugh with friends (the bachelors) who at almost 50 (them not ME) I realise I have known nearly 25 years?!