I am a great believer in breakdown for breakthrough.  Most of the time I coast along, the odd little attempt at self improvement… But those blockages you are aware of in the background always come to trip you up until they are tackled. It’s like an onion skin – just when you think you’ve peeled it, there’s another layer underneath…

I have thrown the kitchen sink at this grief of mine. My cousin followed up last weeks EMDR with a bout of hypnotherapy this week and something is working. A combination of her work, getting complete with him – and I am complete there is nothing left to say – excitement over next weeks Big Event … And then there was the wall. 

wall

 Now I’m not the most physical of people but when I heard one of our exhibitors   was bringing a 10m climbing wall to the event I thought, how hard can that be? Aside from photographic evidence of my enormous bottom disappearing up it what great PR for the exhibitor and the show if I, of the high heels announce I’m doing it? My colleagues at work and in the industry seemed to think it was a huge joke, so we set up a charity account and already I’ve raised nearly £600.

The problem is, on my two unsupervised practice attempts, I couldn’t actually do it.

Sickness, panic, lack of strength and crucially, no technique. I began to utterly regret my wild promise. Fear at seeing him (I refuse to give him a capital letter any more!) became mingled with fear of humiliating myself at that wall.

Last night I had a real breakthrough in climbing with ease with a fantastic instructor called Jo. He actually offered to come in on his day off and make sure I was really confident. The same day I got asked to write a book ( on a topic I actually know nothing concrete about so had to sadly decline ) also to introduce Karren Brady at our event. It was such a day full of blessings. 

The power I feel at succeeding in climbing that wall made me feel powerful about him too.

At night I dreamt I was at his home downstairs talking to his mother (who of course I never met) and he refused to come out of his bedroom. 
I woke up feeling a chapter has closed.

 

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