It’s a long time since I’ve experienced overwhelm. I’ve got pretty good at juggling an enormous  number of things with a healthy relationship to them – they are just “things that will get done”. This week I’m sure that the fundamental issue has been the final straw in my relationship with “him” (as well as female hormone time) but I’ve been coping very badly with the stuff of my life this week.

At work between us now there are a horrendous number of personal issues – it’s like a perfect storm of heart break, parental illness, stress with the heavens having opened post show. All of this is now affecting our ability to deliver as we work round each other. I’ve handled it fine keeping everything in perspective and this week I’ve snapped. And I feel terrible that I’ve snapped. My job is to keep it together.

The logistics of my extremely full life have also been challenging this week – the car is now finally fixed but I can’t face sorting the childcare issues or the cat care over holidays. I’m packed to the gunnels with meetings at work and my social life is manic again.

However I still feel  proud that finally I said enough. After a full year of being dangled,  I just don’t want to talk to him any more.

Last night a tweet disappeared which could have made her ask him what I meant. He has my passwords and I suspected him of deleting it. I don’t know but I emailed him. You have no need to fear what I will put on twitter in the future. I am sad but not bitter. 

Who do I want to be? He has utterly lost who he is in his love for me. I’ve swayed so far from the path I developed which was a path to be proud of. Time to regain who I am after a year in the wilderness?


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