Today his wife contacted me wanting to know what has been going in between me and her husband. If I had a shred of decency I would tell her the truth. I owed her that.

I shook all over, could not eat my lunch, tried to call him. 

Finally got him later this afternoon. He wanted me to lie but the lie would not have stacked up with what she already knew. And I don’t lie.

I constructed a message. I said that whilst I loved him and that the two of us had struggled to let each other go, that we had now absolutely and irrevocably done that. That I knew he wanted nothing more than for it to work with her and his family. I asked her to forgive his inadequacies, know he is a one affair man and without me in the way she has nothing to fear from him straying. I said he had clearly chosen her over me, that his position had not changed and that all he had given me was crumbs.

So much for wanting her to find out a week ago. That desire quickly passed and I know why. All he is left with is he might not now get what he wants which is to make it work with her. I was left with having to chose to support him in what he wants or scupper his plans and be a bitch. Obviously I had to chose love but I feel sick and was sick.

 Their drama is genuinely not mine any more and yet I’m caught up in it. 

His solution is apparently to get blind drunk.


3 thoughts on “I feel utterly sick

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