It’s the oddest thing going to bed and waking up alone.

Normally I feel pestered, besieged, talked at. Now I’m in my head all the time. There’s something about luxuriating in your own company… And something odd about following your own every selfish desire. It’s funny how you don’t want to go to bed. My friend I was with last week regularly falls asleep in the armchair and I find myself retiring later and later.

I was irritable today – it’s that time of the month. I’ve found myself with gritted teeth and aching jaws again. Am I really in denial and still upset underneath it all yet again?

I was utterly rescued by an evening session wherein I organised to lend the top floor of our swanky building to a couple of industry colleagues starting up in their own business. They provided wine and canapés and a few people I know and am fond of.

But that wasn’t all. I was glowing when they told me they were grateful beyond words and that I had no idea what my help had meant to them. It was a small thing for me but I was grinning from ear to ear to have made such a difference.

One of the people there was a mutual friend of Him and I,  and I found myself talking fondly about him again, and thinking of his smiling face and laughter.  The friend said he didn’t think everything happened for a reason, but that there was a reason for everything.

Chew on that.


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