Yesterday I felt nauseous, stressed and tearful all day. Whether it’s something I ate, too much time to think, my hormones, or the fact that, having counted, it’s still only 21 days since that phone call where I realised he was off work and wasn’t going to talk to me again. Perhaps I am still going though the grief, anger acceptance loop? Yesterday I was certainly grieving again and angry – loving and hating him at the same time. 

We drove to San Gimignano for Pippa’s birthday. It was heaving with tourists, sultry, the streets littered with tourist tatt. The best way to see it is from down the road where you can see why it’s called the Manhattan of Tuscany. 

At dinner I sat with the Swedish doctor who was discussing how difficult it was to find a man with whom to have children. 

I kept saying to myself- this too shall pass; there will be good things ahead, but the irony of being in such an enchanting place and feeling so sad has not escaped me and makes me also berate myself for my ingratitude. 

  

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One thought on “Manhattan blues

  1. Yes, the stages of grief. It’s so difficult to experience. Give yourself grace to be sad, even in amazing places. Guilt over how you feel just adds to the pain. You feel how you feel. And that’s okay. I say this because I’m going through it as well. This is what I tell myself.

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