Last night I got a text from a friend saying he and another mutual friend were in the pub by the river  at the bottom of my road if we fancied a drink. 

One of them has  been struggling with his property businesses for years and now things are picking up he looks like a new man – one with money to spend.

His relationship has caused us to scratch our heads for years. He’s been “with” the same woman for nigh on 20 years – through her child bearing years, through his life threatening illness,  through living together, then apart and finally together again (when he lost his house). 

But they actually split up from being “together” over 10 years ago.  According to him there are not carnal relations between them (but I suspect there must be some because otherwise how could they have gone to the doctor about their failure to produce a baby?). Perhaps very little then … And he makes it very clear to us, his friends, that he doesn’t fancy her.  She threatens him with ultimatums around marriage which he ducks every time. According to him they had a very frank conversation on holiday in which he made it clear he would never marry her. She regularly tells him she’s packing his bags and then draws her to him saying she can’t bear to lose him. 

I haven’t seen her for years – she thinks all his (few) friends are a bad influence on him.  I remember her as attractive. She’s very successful at work too. 

He says life “with”  her had it’s pros and cons and like most men he wouldn’t rock the boat, it rarely upsets him as he can compartmentalise it . She, he says, dwells on it all the time. 

Wouldn’t you??!! I know that in the three years me and my ex took to cone to the realisation we probably shouldn’t be married to each other, it went round and round in my head in all my down time, ruined my self esteem and peace of mind. To have this going on for more than 10 years…

His view is that she will never let him go and that he feels he owes her too much to leave.  Meanwhile he’s busy texting the latest woman he’s met on match.com for a date. 

There are all types of relationships. Some are lucky enough to have found someone they really click with, some have problems, but their fundamentals have been tested and proven to be strong, some people do leave relationships which prove to be unfulfilling. And then way, way too many are just miserable and don’t have the balls to sort it out. Or see all the obstacles and not the possibility on the other side.

In their case there is no mortgage in common, no children, not even any friends or family tie ups. Yet they go on wasting each other’s lives this way. 

What hope does that give me that He will ever sort it out when they have the lot to disentangle and when he’s already proven he doesn’t have the balls either?

So back to my friend. You’d leave her, says I, if the right woman came along, though? 

I’d have to be pretty sure says he. 

Hard when you can’t actually take her home at any point…

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One thought on “  Down the pub 

  1. That makes me sad. It is easy to see why though, I mean once you pass that stage when you feel like you’d rather have comfort than attraction, it leads to nothing but unhappiness. It is pretty much a bad habit that they aren’t being able to kick

    Like

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