On our holidays in the USA where we were pretending to be Cowboys, we met a 24 year old man who lived up there alone in the freezing cold on the Colorado mountain all through the winter. Just him, the dog and lots of books. He’s the best informed person I met about world politics. On his day off he went for a hike by himself.

A holiday like that can be life changing. 

Up at sunrise every morning, out on horseback all day, eating simply, watching the sun go down over the river at the end of the day. The owners said a lot of people wonder about how they’ve chosen to live their lives to date,  once they get up there….

Going all that way by myself (well with the girl); driving thousands of miles, getting to grips with the horse thing… Even falling off. I felt very empowered.

I know roughly what I’m going to do next. There’s s lot to work out but  I am calm and contented. This blog started when my mind was in utter turmoil and having the lack of that in my life is something I am grateful for every day.

Last week Facebook suggested I become friends with his wife. The picture which popped up showed the two of them cheek to cheek smiling. I quickly removed it. I’ve not been moved to stalk and don’t want to start now, but it did get me to thinking. I think it is absolutely possible that they have reached some semblance of happiness between them which is greater than the denial in which they lived before he started his relationship with me.

I watched a documentary about St Quentin with the wonderful Louis Theroux at the weekend. A man serving several life sentences who lived in a cage –  said that when you accept your situation as it is, you can still be happy and create a life for yourself. After a while, missing women or enjoying a sunset from a boat on the river means nothing. 

In the end acceptance is a route to contentment. The trick is to constantly combine this with growth which inevitably requires change. I think about this a lot. I’m very content being alone right now, but that still feels like a sell out too.   




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